Be honest, how many things are you doing right now?
For myself, I can count three-writing this post, “watching” TV with my daughter, and thinking about my To-Do list for the rest of the day. I’m not sure I’m doing any of them particularly well. I seem to be hitting the backspace more than enter, I have no idea what the plot of this show is, and I’m feeling a steadily rising anxiety over things that need to be done in the next 8 hours.
Multitasking is a badge of honor for moms. If we aren’t getting it all done with beautiful hair and a manicure then we must not be good enough. That fear of not being good enough to care for our family is the monster that wreaks havoc on our homes.
Being part of a family creates vulnerability. You let your children and husband deeper into your heart than anyone has ever been. You want them to be fulfilled and to continue loving you! Our fear of not being able to meet everyone’s needs creates layers of shame, guilt, and resentment. The greatest casualty is often our relationship with our husbands. A maxed out momma can turn her home into a minefield with emotional explosions around every corner. After all, if he loves us then he should know what we need. Sound familiar? Maybe we don’t say it aloud, but it simmers just under the surface and wounds us deeply.
So here’s a brutal moment of truth that I can back up with years of personal experience. One woman cannot do it all for everyone, all of the time. Something has to give or our emotional, physical, and spiritual health will suffer. For me it was stepping back from my career and being open to God’s direction for my life. I began to let Him define me rather than my annual evaluation. Perhaps it is your image of the perfect mom that is causing the internal conflict. Are you constantly stressing over your kids’ activities and creating perfect memories for them?
The scariest monster of all is the wall that builds between a married couple when doubt and fear rule the relationship. Are you being honest with him about your fears? Not just what you did and didn’t get done today, but the fear that you aren’t doing it right? And perhaps more difficult, do you believe his encouraging words? When he says, “I Love You” do you find yourself cringing because you don’t love yourself?
The secret to being the best mom and wife is to be you. Be yourself, with all of your brokeness, beauty, and boldness on display. Watch your kids heal the wounds and your husband embrace your scars. Love heals us in so many immeasurable ways if we accept it.
Be you, love you, and allow your family to love you. God gave them to you, and you to them. Be present in your family and see what miracles God works through them and you!
Copyright 2014 AngelaJHerrington