Even ifThe topic of my singleness continues to grow as a struggle in my heart. I hate being angry at God about it. And I'm really just so tired of the whole thing.

A few mornings ago I woke up with an aching heart. I'd barely come to full consciousness when the words "Why, God?" pulsated out of my dreams. But just as I started to glance heavenward, looking for an answer, something inside of me halted. I actually put up my hand and said, "No. I don't want to hear it."

Now, let me preface that by saying I don't know that God was about to say anything. My fear that He doesn't speak to me will have to wait for a later entry. But, truth be told, I don't think I shushed Him that morning. If I thought God was truly going to say something, I'd be all ears. evenwhen2 The same arguments, the same tears, the same expression of grief. All of which would go, once again, unanswered.

They say, "Just wait." "Be patient." "God has a plan." But after two decades of hearing it and, for the most part, believing it, this hopeless romantic who always knew God had marriage and family in her future is beginning to doubt. And doubt leads to pain and pain leads anger and anger leads to a hardened heart. Which is the last thing I want. But I also don't want to hurt anymore. So I let the tears fall … and close off my thoughts & emotions to everything else.

Fortunately, I see what I'm doing & maybe, with the knowledge that God really does love me, I can find my hope & joy again.

Even if He never says a word.

Originally appeared on http://sharynkopf.blogspot.com/2008/10/would-you-know-myname.html 

Sharyn-headshot

For most of her life, Sharyn Kopf had a dream: to write sweet little romances or exciting adventures of the heart. Of course, each would be inspired by her own glorious love story! And yet decades skipped by without a romance of her own. She rarely dated. No one kissed her or even held her hand. Turning 40 seemed to not only kill her dreams of marriage and family, but those of being a novelist as well.
   Today, Sharyn still longs for her own love story but she’s discovered she’s not alone in the struggle to find balance between contentment and longing. In January, she co-founded GirlsNightIn40.com, a blog for single women. Her first two books — one a novel, the other nonfiction — about surviving singleness after 40 will release this summer. Full of honesty, humor and, yes, a little romance, these books offer encouragement to others going through similar circumstances.
   In her spare time, Sharyn plays the piano, makes the best fudge ever, fights against unnecessary uses of the comma, and watches too much HGTV. She lives in Bellefontaine, Ohio, just five minutes from her favorite people in the world — her family.

Follow Sharyn's blog: http://sharynkopf.blogspot.com/

Follow Sharyn on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sharyn.kopf​

Follow Sharyn on Twitter: @shari2t17