Sometimes when we’re in the midst of a tough circumstance, a difficult season of life, or when something terrible happens – the death of a child, a senseless bombing, or a national disaster – it is hard to see God working it out for good.
I’ll be the first to say that I’ve asked God why He allowed me to have CF, and what He’s doing with it.
I’ve finally given God control and said, “Do with me what you will. Not my will, but yours be done.”
I’ve seen some of God’s goodness in recent years, and begun to see a little bit of His plan for me. But there are times when I still get sucked into the dark, deep pit of despair. Recently it has come in waves rather than drops of rain, but this particular pit has been in my work.
I have the unique privilege to work and study an aspect of my own disease. As you can imagine, there are good and bad things about working on my own disease.
There are days when the bad outweighs the good. There are days when the good outweighs the bad.
Lately, the bad has outweighed the good.
It’s just been hard, for a number of reasons that I don’t want to elaborate right now. Suffice it to say that I’ve wondered if I can do research in this field long-term.
Whenever I see a talk or poster at a conference that deals with CF research, I make a point of saying, ‘Thank you’ to the researcher.
I usually say something along the lines of, ‘Thank you for the research you do. It means so much to patients, parents, doctors and nurses that are affected by CF. Thank you for doing what you do.’
Today, I was at a CF clinic routine visit, and one of the nurses asked me how my research was going. I told her that I had some exciting results that I just presented at a conference. She got really excited and asked to see one of the devices that I had in my purse from the conference, and took it out into the offices for show and tell.
The doctor came in, asked how my research was, and so I told him the same thing that I’d told the nurse.
And you know what he said?
“That’s amazing! On behalf of patients, doctors, and families affected by CF, thank you for doing this work. Thank you.”
God truly is good. All the time.
When I’m sitting here wondering how God is using me, how to get out of this particular pit, how He is using it for good: He brings me into places like this.
He uses other people to encourage me. Just from a few simple words from my doctor, I was reminded that God really is good, and that He does have a plan. That what He has called me to do right now, He will give me the strength to do. That where He has called me to be right now, He will be with me. That even when it seems impossible, nothing is impossible with Him.
I still don’t have all the answers to my questions. I still don’t understand so much of His plan.
But I do know this: God is good. All the time.
***This post first appeared at allforhimlife.com***
Kristen Entwistle is a graduate student pursuing her PhD in biochemistry and molecular biology at Michigan State University. She helps to lead worship at her church on Sunday mornings and leads a women’s Bible study on Saturday mornings. She was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when she was three months old, and has seen God work through the ups and downs of life and through her disease. In response to God's calling, Kristen started All For Him, a ministry seeking to encourage and challenge women of all ages in Christ.
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