I was sitting on a bench outside today, waiting for a friend. While I was waiting, a man came over to me and asked if I could take a few photos for him. I was happy to oblige, and after taking the pictures for him, I went to sit back down, and he sat down too. He looked at me and asked, “I have to ask, are you married?”
Slightly taken aback, I answered, “No, I’m not.”
“Beautiful girl like you, how is it that you’re not married?”
I have a million answers to that question, but I simply answered, “I’m just not.”
If it hasn’t become clear to you yet, this guy was looking for something other than just a polite conversation. After a few more questions, when he asked me for my phone number, I politely declined and he decided I wasn’t worth his time anymore, walking away.
This guy’s not the first one to ask me why I’m not married. Nor will he be the last. Truth is, many of my friends are married, having children, and moving forward with their lives. Truth is, I haven’t ever had a date for a plus-one at a wedding, and that makes weddings…well, lonely. Truth is, I haven’t been on a vacation this summer because I don’t want to go somewhere by myself. Truth is, I’m feeling a little like a seventh wheel in my family right now, and a lot like a failure.
Truth is, I don’t really know the answer to that question.
I can come up with plenty of reasons why I think I’m still single. Most of them I’ve heard from ex-boyfriends before. No one wants to deal with your disease. You’re not pretty enough for someone. You’re too fat, too needy, too independent, too headstrong. No one actually thinks you’re worth their time. You’ve got too much baggage – no one wants that. You’re not smart enough. You’re not enough for any guy to care about you.
But the truth is, although I may have it in my head that what I want is best, God’s will is better. And right now, His will is not what I expected, but it is where I am. And as hard as it may be sometimes, I have to find a way to be okay with where God has me right now.
So I pour into those around me, and do my best to be a blessing to them. And in turn, they have been a blessing to me.
I may not have a good answer to that question, but I do know that God’s not finished with me yet. His plan is infinitely better than anything I could ever dream. And whatever that means for the future, I know that He is good, and His love endures forever.
***This post first appeared at allforhimlife.com***
Kristen Entwistle is the blog manager for Broken Beautiful BOLD and is a graduate student pursuing her PhD in biochemistry and molecular biology at Michigan State University. She helps to lead worship at her church on Sunday mornings and leads a women’s Bible study on Saturday mornings. She was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when she was three months old, and has seen God work through the ups and downs of life and through her disease. In response to God’s calling, Kristen started All For Him, a ministry seeking to encourage and challenge women of all ages in Christ with FREE Bible studies offered throughout the year.
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